My baby only falls asleep when nursing. How do I know if I should let her cry it out or feed her?

You mentioned some concerns that you have about your 10 month old baby girl, and how she falls asleep just fine when she's nursing, then you lay her down, she wakes up crying, and you don't like "crying it out" because you're worried that she's crying because she's hungry and didn't eat before she fell asleep. "Crying it out" is a very effective form of sleep-training, because it teaches a baby to self-soothe and to go back to sleep without help from a parent. But "crying it out" is only a good idea after you're sure that all of the baby's needs are met. So after your baby has been fed, and changed, and given a lot of love, and put down for bed at night, if they continue to cry at that point or wake up and cry during the night, and the pediatrician has told you that you don't need to feed your baby through the night because they're growing well, then it is okay to let a baby cry. You can let him cry for as long as you're comfortable with it. For some parents, this is a few minutes; for some, it's an hour.

Now as parents, we all know our baby's cries. And if you ever feel like it's that desperate cry for help, like your baby is sick, or in danger, or has immediate needs, then of course check on your child. But if you feel like your baby is just crying because he or she wants you and is seeking comfort, then it's okay to let them cry, because they need to learn how to comfort themselves. The good news about all of this is that babies have about a 4 day reset in their brain where if you're very persistent and consistent about it for 4 days, and you don't give into the temptation to go pick up your baby and rock them to comfort them back to sleep, then they will learn that this is a new norm, and they'll stop looking to you for help. Now babies do wake up normally in the middle of the night just like we do, where they shift around, and get wiggly, and wake themselves up. And then a baby who has learned how to self-soothe will naturally go back to sleep instead of crying, eventually, but you have to teach them to do that by letting them "cry it out".

Now there is a more graduated approach if this seems a little bit harsh to you. Again, once you're sure that all of your baby's needs have been met, then you can gradually teach her to self-soothe by putting her down, again, after all of her needs are met, walking out of the room, and just letting her cry for 5 to 10 minutes. Then if she's still crying, go back in, gently touch her on her head, turn around and walk right back out of the room. What this does is teach her that you're there. You're responding to her, but you're not going to give in to her requests. She's probably crying because she wants to be held, or she's looking to suck for comfort in the form of a bottle or a nursing session, and if she doesn't get this, then eventually she'll learn to stop crying, because it doesn't get her what she wants most, which is you.

If necessary, you slowly increase the amount of time before going in and checking on your baby again. So the first time, you wait 5 or 10 minutes; the second time, you wait 10 or 20; the next time, you wait 20 or 30; and this will also teach your baby to self-soothe. If you're concerned about your baby's growth, or you're wondering if she needs extra nighttime feedings, talk with the pediatrician first, and they'll be able to give you the best information about what's best for her. If you have any other questions for me in the future, feel free to ask them on our Facebook page at   / intermountainmoms  , and recommend us to your friends and family too.