Viraha| Draupadi's monologue| Dance story| Tanvi Rao

THIS IS A FICTIONALISED NARRATIVE:

One morning when Krishna appeared in front of them in the forest of Kamyaka, the Pandavas rushed around in merriment. They laughed, hugged and even cried together. But Draupadi, robotic in her actions, moved like a shadow. When the festivity had susbsided, Krishna walked to the silent corner that was Draupadi and sat down. In his flute-like voice, he said, “Krishnaa, this curse is slowly killing you. Where is the Sakhi who teased me, stomped around angrily and burst out in innocent laughter when you least expected it? Why have you turned this bitter? Let go Krishnaa, forgive. Why are you holding this revenge so strongly in your heart?”

Draupadi lifted her stone-like eyes and looked at him for the first time. With a voice that had
forgotten how to make way out of the throat, she said “My husbands think I am infuriated by the loss of queenship, that I am resentful about having to live in the forest. But they do not understand.
I tried sakha, to tie my hair, to forget it all, to pretend it never happened. But every time I hold my hair, I am reminded of Dusshasana’s sickening gaze and his rough hands grabbing my hair. Every time I take bath, I try to wash off the shame from my skin, but after every bath, I only feel more shameful. My eyes find Kaurava faces every time they look into a mirror, my tongue is nauseated by food and my ears are constantly vigilant of arriving footsteps. But the worst of it all is not the laughter of the Kauravas, but the silence of the Pandavas. That silence rings in my ear every waking minute, mocking me about the naïve confidence that filled my heart that day believing I was safe around my family- my people. Their silence is deafening me.
I am tired Krishna. I cannot forget. I cannot forgive. The only way I can wake up every morning is by assuring myself of bloodshed. Revenge is the only way of life I know now.”

Krishna stood there for a long time as the ghost-like figure of Draupadi retreated farther and farther away into her own nightmare.