How to respond to put-downs, sarcasm and back-handed compliments: The FSAT Script.

How to respond to put-downs, sarcasm and back-handed compliments using the FSAT Script.
In this video, I give a brief overview of a particular strategy you can use, if and when you think it's appropriate to do so, for responding to put-downs such as sarcastic comments and backhanded compliments.

Two things before we go any further: The first is, this is only one of number of strategies I have for you for dealing with inappropriate comments and put-downs. So I'm not suggesting this is the one you should use, or even if you should ever use it, it really is up to you to work out what's appropriate in your particular circumstances.
The second thing is this: Sometimes, it's best to say nothing. You do not always have to respond to every rude comment that someone makes. Sometimes it's best to simply ignore it, and what I call, rise above it and move on.

Now having said that, let's talk about this particular strategy, which I call the F S A T script. FSAT, and each of those four letters stands for something you need to say.

So let's just say, for example, earlier in the day you're at a staff meeting, and Bill was rude to you. He made a sarcastic comment to you, and you think it's worthwhile raising the issue with him. Well this is one strategy you could use to do that. And it goes like this: We start off with F, of course, move on to S, then, A, then T.

It goes like this: Bill, earlier today at the staff meeting, you made a comment when you said, blah blah blah. That's the facts bit.
Then you go on to say, it seemed like you were having a go at me. It sounded like you were putting me down. I felt you were putting me down.
So you've said the facts, what happened today, then you've said it sounded like or it seemed like.

Now of course if it wasn't earlier in the day but it was two seconds ago, well you'd skip the F bit. You'd simply go to say, Bill what you said sounded like.

F then S. The third bit is A, it's asking a question. Bill, earlier today at the staff meeting, you said blah blah blah, it sounded to me like you were having a real go at me. Am I interpreting you correctly? Am I right? You ask a question about their intentions.

You've said the Facts, you've said how it Sounded to you, so you've put them on the spot a bit there. And you're then Asking a question. Now this is what I call being diplomatically assertive. Believe me, anyone who hears you say this will be on your side because it is polite, but it is to the point. F S A.

Now, there's a number of ways people like Bill will respond. First of all, they'll pretend they haven't heard you, so you might have to say it again. Another way is, "Oh oh oh, I didn't mean it like that." Another way is when they say things like, "Oh you're being a bit oversensitive, aren't you?" Now do not get into a debate.

There's no part of the F S A T script that says debate with them, or argue with them. It's simply you state your point. F, facts. It Seemed like. Ask the question. Now T.

No matter what their response is, the T is tell them, and you need to tell them that it was hurtful. Bill, earlier today at the staff meeting you said blah blah blah, it sounded like you were putting me down, it sounded like you were having a go at me, am I correct?

Then they respond, and you say, look that's fine Bill, I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, but I want you to know that it was hurtful, please don't say it again. You need to make that definitive statement at the end not in a rude way, it's what I call diplomatically assertive. Being diplomatic, but assertive.

After you've said that, you need to just simply zip it up. It's over, that's it. You're not there to debate. Don't just walk off, but you've said what you wanted to say, and if they say oh I'm sorry, you go that's terrific. That's it. Do not get into a debate with this person.

F S A T, each one of those letters stands for something you need to say.

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